Things Get Better

Hello everyone! I'm excited to share some news about how I've been for the past two days. Let me start off with myself. I recently was on vacation from work and school and it was the best week of my life. I slept so much as if I haven't slept in days! It felt great and although I said to myself I was going to work on assignments, I never got to that due to oversleeping. However, I've realized that so much stress came off my shoulders. I forgot how important it was to step away from everything and take a moment to think about yourself and your mindset.
I made a few changes in my life that I believe have helped me deal with my anger problems. Before I get ahead of myself, I want to start off with some background information.
I was born in Mexico, Cuernavaca and came to the U.S when I was three.  I basically grew up here because I can't remember anything from Mexico. Growing up I saw a lot of beautiful things like becoming a big sister to my brother and sister but I also saw a lot of negative things such as my parents fighting verbally and psychically. My father was always strict and I barely out of the house, it was always a problem with my dad. I always saw so much anger in him and I learned how he took out his anger. Although when I was in my early teens, I turned my problems into excuses and starting doing things that I regret today. I knew that my anger was getting the best of me when I would fight with my parents for no reason. There was one thing that I said frequently and it was saying "I can work on my anger issues" ; at first I would but things would turn the other way around.
I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend who i've been with close to two years and our relationship is very special to me because i've never been in a relationship that I can see myself with him for a long time. Like all relationships there will be their ups and downs. Lately it has been in it's downs and I'm the one to blame for. Every time we fight it starts because of me and for the STUPIDEST reason ever! In my head I want to be right whether I'm wrong and that mindset got too much into my head. I would push his feelings away and I never wanted to talk about the problem. This bothered him and I can tell it was but I couldn't bring myself to talk about it just for the fact that I wanted to be right!
We recently got into a fight and I know many couples can relate to this, he brought up many points that were true. It broke me up inside but I had to do something. I couldn't let my anger get in between me and my relationship or with anyone else close to me. That's when I realized I was truly going to change for the better.

To start off with what I did differently was three things...
1. Write down what you feel : I'm not talking about writing a paragraph, literally write down one word that you can describe yourself in your current situation.
2. Read : Read a good book that can entertain you and keep your mind busy besides getting angry at things that you shouldn't have in the first place.
3. Compromise : This might be a little difficult at first but this has worked for me. I promised my boyfriend that I wouldn't take out my anger on him if he did the same. When I feel like blowing up on him he reminds me of this compromise and I take a moment and think about what I'm doing/ feeling.

So far I've been happier and I don't feel overwhelmed like I normally am. Little things like this does help me to improve myself and I hope that this can help someone else. Don't lose hope, things do get better.. it just takes time.

What Today Consist Of

Hi everyone, like I said I want to be able to blog about my daily life and how i manage my feelings throughout the day. Today was my little sister's birthday and for the first time in a long time i spent the day with my family. I mean everyone! My mom, dad, brother and sister. To be honest it felt weird because i've never liked to be with my family. Besides the fact that I always had problems with my dad and mom fighting, things just didn't feel right. Yes we laughed and had a good time but it just didn't feel comfortable for me. There was a point during the day where i just wanted to be away from them but all i did was step away from them so i can have some alone time and think about the good things in my life.
I'm the type of person who can't go out with a group because they're too loud and makes me feel like were attracting attention that i don't need or want. I get really mad fast and it tends to ruin my day.
Today was also a rainy day and I LOVE rainy days, my favorite days of all time!! Usually i'm happy when it rains but my feelings were similar to my cloudiness and gloomy day that we were having. I didn't get to see my boyfriend which usually he's the reason why he keeps me sane but yes he gets me mad too but thats a different story. On the brighter side, my dog is finally healed. I know i should i blogged this first but to make the story short, my dog ran away for exactly a week and it was heartbreaking. When we finally found him, one of his leg had to get amputated and it was just too much for us. Days of crying and the depression around the house. However, he's doing so good he doesn't even notice his leg missing.
I have to say, today was one of those days where I didn't get mad a lot. It might have been the fact that I'm away from school and work for a week. Although today i was thinking, I have so much i want to do and accomplish but i just feel like i'm not doing anything to accomplish it. I don't seem to have the support or motivation that i want or need. I have some goals in my mind but i can't seem to make a step towards that goal. I get mad at myself for not being able to do something. I hope to stop this laziness and actually do something.
I'm sorry this blog is random but it felt good to type this out and i feel good about it. I hope you enjoy it and i'm going to try my best to organize my blogs.

Vanessa.

Why I started this blog

Hi my name is Vanessa. I'm currently 20 years old and I mainly started this blog just to write out what I feel like. I go to school, work and try to maintain a social life just like any young adult would. I'm a person with good vibes but also a person who doesn't do well with dealing with problems. I can't face to talk about my feelings with anyone. I shut myself down and that doesn't make anything better.
I thought to myself that writing (well typing) my feelings out would help my anger issues. Yes everyone gets mad but I can't control the way I show my anger.
Over the past few years i've always had problems where my anger gets the best of me. I yell, I whine, I hit and I say things I don't mean to say. I've gotten in trouble by the way my actions have shown and it only makes my anger worse. I have tried to control it but it has always failed. I really do want to make a difference in myself because I don't want my relationship with my boyfriend, family and friends to get ruined.
Besides writing this blog out for myself, I want others to read what I feel because I know there are many out there that feel the same way. The feedback to this would help each one of us tremendously. Also I want to look back to when i first started this blog and see that there is improvement from time to time. I can't promise to blog all the time but i'll make the best effort.