What Today Consist Of

Hi everyone, like I said I want to be able to blog about my daily life and how i manage my feelings throughout the day. Today was my little sister's birthday and for the first time in a long time i spent the day with my family. I mean everyone! My mom, dad, brother and sister. To be honest it felt weird because i've never liked to be with my family. Besides the fact that I always had problems with my dad and mom fighting, things just didn't feel right. Yes we laughed and had a good time but it just didn't feel comfortable for me. There was a point during the day where i just wanted to be away from them but all i did was step away from them so i can have some alone time and think about the good things in my life.
I'm the type of person who can't go out with a group because they're too loud and makes me feel like were attracting attention that i don't need or want. I get really mad fast and it tends to ruin my day.
Today was also a rainy day and I LOVE rainy days, my favorite days of all time!! Usually i'm happy when it rains but my feelings were similar to my cloudiness and gloomy day that we were having. I didn't get to see my boyfriend which usually he's the reason why he keeps me sane but yes he gets me mad too but thats a different story. On the brighter side, my dog is finally healed. I know i should i blogged this first but to make the story short, my dog ran away for exactly a week and it was heartbreaking. When we finally found him, one of his leg had to get amputated and it was just too much for us. Days of crying and the depression around the house. However, he's doing so good he doesn't even notice his leg missing.
I have to say, today was one of those days where I didn't get mad a lot. It might have been the fact that I'm away from school and work for a week. Although today i was thinking, I have so much i want to do and accomplish but i just feel like i'm not doing anything to accomplish it. I don't seem to have the support or motivation that i want or need. I have some goals in my mind but i can't seem to make a step towards that goal. I get mad at myself for not being able to do something. I hope to stop this laziness and actually do something.
I'm sorry this blog is random but it felt good to type this out and i feel good about it. I hope you enjoy it and i'm going to try my best to organize my blogs.

Vanessa.

Why I started this blog

Hi my name is Vanessa. I'm currently 20 years old and I mainly started this blog just to write out what I feel like. I go to school, work and try to maintain a social life just like any young adult would. I'm a person with good vibes but also a person who doesn't do well with dealing with problems. I can't face to talk about my feelings with anyone. I shut myself down and that doesn't make anything better.
I thought to myself that writing (well typing) my feelings out would help my anger issues. Yes everyone gets mad but I can't control the way I show my anger.
Over the past few years i've always had problems where my anger gets the best of me. I yell, I whine, I hit and I say things I don't mean to say. I've gotten in trouble by the way my actions have shown and it only makes my anger worse. I have tried to control it but it has always failed. I really do want to make a difference in myself because I don't want my relationship with my boyfriend, family and friends to get ruined.
Besides writing this blog out for myself, I want others to read what I feel because I know there are many out there that feel the same way. The feedback to this would help each one of us tremendously. Also I want to look back to when i first started this blog and see that there is improvement from time to time. I can't promise to blog all the time but i'll make the best effort.